


Ancient Warrior Bucky and the Amusement Park of Doom

by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)



Series: Ancient Warrior Bucky [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Archaeologist Tony Stark, Archaeology, BAMF Bucky Barnes, BAMF Rhodey, Bucky Hates Pants, Canon-Typical Violence, Cellphones of the Gods, Cotton Candy, Firefly References, Game of Thrones Is a Documentary, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Tony Needs A Real Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqen_hgar/pseuds/Finely%20Honed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is not my fault!”</p><p>“I’m never going anywhere with you two,” Rhodey shouted, sprinting past Tony, shouldering his way through the doors ahead, “ever again!”</p><p>Wheezing slightly, Tony happily accepted the hand Rhodes offered, allowing himself to be pulled through the doors. With a huff, they slammed them shut together, barred them, and leaned heavily against them as they sought to catch their breath shoulder to shoulder.</p><p>“Not fair,” Tony whined, once he could actually speak again. Rhodey glared at him—it was a really good glare, too, props deserved—and Tony shrugged. “Okay, a little fair.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ancient Warrior Bucky and the Amusement Park of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts: imagine Tony taking Bucky to an amusement park for the first time. could be a small one, could be a big one but Bucky loves the rides and the games and Tony really shouldn't have gotten him cotton candy because now Bucky wants a cotton candy machine for the mansion.
> 
> And: Imagine Tony and Warrior Prince Bucky fighting bad guys a la Indiana Jones
> 
> And: Imagine Tony buys a cotton candy machine and ends up covered in it (that stuff is messy)… and Bucky helps him clean it off.
> 
> And: saw this post ‘Person A being held hostage in a fortress and Person B violently leaving a mess of carnage in their wake in order to get to them. Covered in blood and questionable pieces of enemy remains, Person B finally makes it to Person A in the center of the wreckage and gives them a gentle peck on the forehead before apologizing for the wait.’ Tony is Person A and Bucky is Person B

“This is not my fault!”

“I’m never going anywhere with you two,” Rhodey shouted, sprinting past Tony, shouldering his way through the doors ahead, “ever again!”

Wheezing slightly, Tony happily accepted the hand Rhodes offered, allowing himself to be pulled through the doors. With a huff, they slammed them shut together, barred them, and leaned heavily against them as they sought to catch their breath shoulder to shoulder.

“Not fair,” Tony whined, once he could actually speak again. Rhodey glared at him—it was a really good glare, too, props deserved—and Tony shrugged. “Okay, a  _little_  fair.”

Rhodey opened his mouth to object to Tony’s assessment of the situation, but a loud, awful noise from outside, which was accompanied by rumbling, and the shaking of the ground beneath their feet, distracted him.

Wide eyed, Tony looked to his friend, then around the place they’d barricaded themselves inside of, then back to Rhodes. “That’s probably not good, right?” Going by Rhodey’s expression, that was an understatement. Tony swallowed past his panic, and banged the back of his head against the door.

“Tony, whatever you’re thinking, stop,” Rhodes instructed.

“I’m thinking he’s alone out there,” Tony snapped. “Or, wait, actually, he’s not  _alone_ , he’s got plenty of those…  _things_  to keep him company. You know, until they eat him or…”

“Whoa, they eat people?”

Tony gestured wildly, kicking the door, and spreading his arms wide. “I don’t know, do I?” he asked, admittedly a little hysterically.

There was a horrible, blood curdling scream from somewhere in the distance, and Tony grabbed Rhodey’s arm. He opened his mouth to say that they needed to go back out, they needed to find him, make sure he was safe, but that was precisely when they realized they weren’t alone.

"Mr. Stark. So glad you could join us."

Out of the shadows a figure appeared wearing a ridiculous headdress, flanked by two less ridiculous and far more intimidating figures.

Tony’s fear was washed away by anger and irritation. “Great, because it wasn’t bad enough.”

With an unnecessarily complex hand gesture, the man instructed his guards to seize Tony and Rhodey. They stared at him for a moment in confusion, so he clarified with, “Don’t just stand there, grab them!”

"You know this clown?" Rhodes hissed as the cult members dragged them away from the doors.

"Unfortunately." Tony tried to shake free of the guard’s grip, but it was impressively tight. "He’s Justin Hammer, the idiot that owns this place."

"That’s  _Master_  to you, Stark. Take them to the altar!”

He laughed maniacally, his headdress slipping slightly, so that he had to push it back out of his eyes before he could continue.

"Not cool, Hammer!" Tony called as he and Rhodes were dragged away.

"The altar is bad, isn’t it?" Rhodey asked, struggling against their captors to no avail.

"Only if you’re the one getting sacrificed."

Rhodey groaned, stopped trying to fight the guards, and instead punched Tony in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Tony cried, rubbing his arm. "What’s that for?"

"You know what that’s for."

Justin Hammer’s laughter echoed around them, and Tony swallowed around his panic, because yeah, he knew.

"It’s an amusement park! I thought it’d be… You know? Amusing," he answered lamely. "How the hell was I supposed to know we’d wind up sacrificed by crazy undead snake cultists?"

Rhodey didn’t seem particularly appeased, and Tony couldn’t blame him, really. He wasn’t amused either. He was actually kind of terrified, but more than anything, he was hoping that Bucky was still alive.

+

The thing is, it’d seemed like a good idea at the time. They’d been relaxing on the couch, Tony wearing his almost threadbare “I’m An Archaeologist Not A Paleontologist” t-shirt and a well worn pair of Carhartt dungarees, while Bucky sprawled half on top of him, wrapped up in a criminally large synthetic fur blanket, his fluorescent pink bunny slippers peeking out from underneath.

“More!”

Tony smiled and slid his arm under the furs so he could stroke along Bucky’s side, which resulted in man-purring, and Bucky snuggling closer. “Sorry, that’s it. There isn’t any more.”

Bucky actually gasped at this, and sat up fast enough that two of the cats got dumped off of the couch as a result. Annie lifted her head and whined, which in turn caused Sobek to hiss. “What do you mean there’s no more? There  _has_  to be more. Wash has to be resurrected and reunited with Zoë.”

“That’s not how things work.”

Which apparently wasn’t the right answer. Bucky shifted further upright, the blanket sliding out of place, exposing his lightly tanned, muscular shoulder until he yanked it back, shivering. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Not everyone gets resurrected, Buck,” Tony tried to explain, tugging on one of Bucky’s braids. “People die, and that’s that. The end.”

“That’s a horrible ending,” he grumbled.

Bucky’s eyes flashed dangerously, and he tugged his blanket more firmly around himself, frowning like it was his job. He’d opened his mouth, likely planning to argue the finer points of death, but that was when the news came on.

Tony was too preoccupied with watching Bucky’s expression shift from confused and miserable to intrigued and determined to notice what was on the TV, so by the time he turned to look, all he saw was a family skipping happily toward a criminally large rollercoaster.

“…but despite local protesting, the park is on schedule to open next week,” the announcer finished. “In local news…”

“Tony, let’s go!”

“Where?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, and slung an arm around Tony’s shoulders before hooking one of his legs over Tony’s. “To the amusement park,” he clarified, beginning to scratch Tony’s beard. This more or less meant he was doomed to going, because he turned into jelly when Bucky did this, especially when it was coupled with neck and ear kisses, and, whoo boy, a lapful of ancient warrior. Bucky smiled sweetly, and plucked Tony’s glasses from his face. “Please, can we go?”

Tony sighed, and helped himself to handfuls of Bucky’s perky bottom, pulling him in closer, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “Sure, why not? I can’t remember the last time I went to an amusement park. They’re a little cheesy, but I’m guessing you’ll love the rides.” Bucky squirmed closer, and as good as it felt, Tony was starting to overheat. He pushed the furs aside. “You  _will_  have to wear clothes, by the way. There are kids there, and you can’t wander around wearing nothing but underwear that says “Fuck Pants” across the ass.”

Bucky scrunched his face up in adorable protest, and tugged his blanket back up over his shoulders. “Can I wear whatever I want?” he asked, rolling his hips.

Tony sucked air in through his teeth and grinned, wrapping his arms around Bucky. “I maintain the right to veto, but sure.”

“Great! Let’s see if Rho-Rho wants to come along.”

Tony amused himself by licking across Bucky’s collarbone, and nuzzling his neck, while Bucky rocked against him with a little figure eight motion of the hips in an amazingly distracting kind of way. “No go, turtledove, Rhodey is overseas for at least another month.”

But Bucky already had his phone out, thumbs flying as he sent a message off to Rhodes before focusing his considerable attention on Tony.

Tony forgot all about amusement parks, because Bucky was a really, really good kisser, and very good at wriggling, and also incredibly well prepared. Tony was pretty sure he’d stashed lube in every nook and cranny of the house by now, so they didn’t even have relocate.

Bucky managed to scare half the animals out of the room with the throaty noise of pleasure he made as he slowly sunk back down onto Tony’s lap, and began riding him, blankets and underwear long gone. Tony lost himself to heat, and pleasure, and Bucky, smiling up into beautiful blue eyes in love and happy disbelief, not even caring that several cats, a pygmy goat, a genet, and a crocodile were watching them have sex.

Later, twined around each other like a couple of snakes, he heard Bucky’s phone chirp with a reply just as he began to drift into sleep. “Rho-Rho is good for next weekend,” Bucky announced softly, fingers carding through Tony’s hair. “Want me to make the arrangements and stuff?”

“M’kay,” he agreed before falling asleep.

+

“Hey, Pepper,” Tony went to give her a kiss on the cheek. “What’re you doing here?”

Bucky smacked Tony on his ass before kissing Pepper’s other cheek. “She’s watching our friends for us while we’re gone,” he answered, handing Pepper a tablet. “Thanks again, Pepper. All the instructions are in here, along with numbers for the various veterinarians, but they should be fine. I told them if they all behave, I’ll bring them each a souvenir.”

“Wait, why do we need an animal sitter? And aren’t we going to the amusement park on Saturday?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and kissed Tony’s forehead. “Yeah, but your pilot said the flight is about twelve hours, and I figured you’d wanna sleep and have some time to  _relax_  before we met up with Rho-Rho.”

“Flight?” Tony let go of his coffee in surprise, but Bucky caught it and handed it back.

“Yup. Don’t worry, I already packed for you.”

Which was terrifying enough to contemplate on its own without the sudden realization that they weren’t going to Coney Island like he’d thought.

+

“I should have known it’d end like this,” Rhodes grumbled. “Normal people don’t have these problems, Tony. I hope you realize this.”

Tony grimaced as the undead cultists tightened the ropes around his wrists, securing him beside Rhodey on the altar. There was chanting all around them, the bonfires somehow pumping wild, writhing, snake-like smoke tendrils into the night sky.

“Do you think he’s okay?” he asked, turning to face Rhodes.

To his dismay, Rhodey’s features softened, and he looked away for a moment. But when he looked back, there was a strange sort of determination in his eyes. “If it was anyone else? No way. But your boy  _is_  crazy,” he said affectionately, “and also crazy in love with you. Betting he’s planning a rescue, which means we just gotta stay alive long enough for him to get here.”

Tony nodded, and lifted his head a bit in an attempt to look around. There were at least a dozen armed guards positioned around the perimeter, another dozen ringed around the altar, along with a handful of priests, the shell shocked, chained park employees, and Hammer.

“Hey, Hammer, what the hell?” Tony shouted. “Since when do worshippers of Apep perform human sacrifices?”

“Uh, they  _don’t_ , Stark,” he answered, taking another sip from the golden chalice he was holding. He motioned for the guards to move aside so he’d be able to properly sass Tony. “I thought you were some kind of genius. Still haven’t figured it out?”

"Been kind of distracted by your new friends, actually."

Tony stuck his tongue out as soon as Hammer turned away, and then wrenched his head around, trying to spot potential clues.

Unlike the black eyed guards, the priests were all missing their eyes, which,  _yuck_. They were also sporting weird symbols on their robes—a skull with snake-like tentacles, not particularly Egyptian looking, and…

"Wait," Tony murmured, closing his eyes. He knew that symbol. "Where have I seen that before?"

The chanting grew louder around them, the priests beginning to stomp their feet, and it came to him in a flash. Scrawled in his Uncle Edwin’s journal, the section about the Warrior Prince falling in battle…

"This is bad," Tony said, eyes snapping open.

Rhodey glared at him. “Seriously? Like it  _wasn’t_  bad before?” he asked incredulously, as around them, the priests began to wail, “Hail Hydra!”

+

"We need one of those at home," Bucky insisted, shoving cotton candy into Tony’s mouth. "Did you see them making it? Way cooler than Twizzlers.” Tony shared a smile with Rhodey as Bucky jumped around them in circles. “Tony, Tony,  _Tony_ , are you listening?”

"No more sugar for you. And you know if we got a cotton candy machine it’d last ten minutes before it was more cat hair than candy," Tony pointed out, tugging Bucky out of the way of a group of serious looking tourists.

“The cats would love it,” Bucky insisted.

Tony ignored him for the moment. “Hey, honey buns, is it just me, or is this place weird?”

Rhodey shrugged and accepted the cotton candy Bucky offered him. “I’ve only been to amusement parks back home,” he answered, tearing off a chunk and sliding his sunglasses up to rest atop his head. “Maybe this is normal for here.”

Tony frowned and looked around. Sure, it looked like an amusement park, but it also reminded him of some weird mishmash of the past and present, like the park’s owner had built the place in the middle of some half-unearthed ancient ruins. Roller coasters roared around them, the metal a strange contrast to the stone columns and sand, and he half expected to turn a corner and interrupt some of his former colleagues excavating.

"I don’t know. It’s… Something about it bugs me."

Bucky slung his arm around Tony’s shoulders, and kissed his temple. “It’s a gigantic playground. I like it!”

"You like everything," Tony countered with a smile. "Except pants," he added a moment later.

"I’m gonna ride this crazy loopy thing," Bucky announced, shoving his cotton candy at Tony. He scampered off, a little spring in his step, and Tony watched him go with a smile.

“Now that you mention it,” Rhodey said, glancing around, “I kinda figured he’d attract a bit more attention.”

It’d taken some convincing, but he’d managed to get Bucky to wear a sleeve over his arm, one that hid all the shiny gold, gave the illusion the arm was just flesh colored plastic. He’d created it ages ago, for when they might need to travel, or go out in public, but this was the first they’d needed to use it.

Even with the arm hidden, Bucky still stuck out like a sore thumb. He was wearing a baby blue t-shirt that was about two sizes too small for him and was emblazoned with the slogan  _Down With Pants_. He’d paired this with low slung, oddly clingy (in all the right places) cargo shorts, and a pair of brown, vintage, double buckle combat boots. His long hair had been braided, then pulled back and twisted into a complicated bun so it’d be out of his way for the rides.

He was also the park’s most enthusiastic attendee, wanting to try every ride, eat at every concession stand, and force Tony and Rhodey into posing with him for selfies about every ten minutes.

By contrast, everyone else around them was dressed conservatively, in drab colors or wearing a park uniform. They were also universally subdued, as if just going through the motions.

“I get that this place is controversial,” Tony said softly, handing the cotton candy off to Rhodes so he could use his phone, “but you’d still think there’d be more people here.”

“Kids, especially,” Rhodey agreed, hitting on what had bothered Tony most of all. “I think I’ve only seen the same three or four the entire time we’ve been here. Great, now you’ve got me worried, Tone.”

Tony groaned as he started going through the search results. “Ugh. No wonder this place is so tacky. Before I dropped out and went to live with Uncle Edwin I went to school with the jerk who owns this place.” Rhodey helped himself to another bite of cotton candy and arched an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t know a serekh from a cartouche, totally bought his grades.”

“I’ll take your word on that.”

“Look,” Tony held up his phone. “The reason they were protesting was because this whole area was supposedly cursed thousands of years ago.”

“I’d say ‘so what,’ but considering you’re shacking up with a golden armed ancient warrior, I’m actually kind of concerned.”

Tony and Rhodey watched as Bucky came bounding back over to them, a strange, contemplative look on his face. There had only been a handful of others on the rollercoaster with him, and they all carefully avoided looking at Bucky as they headed off to other rides and attractions in the park.

“Hey, cupcake, how was it?”

“Like riding a dragon!”

Bucky stretched, and Tony temporarily forgot about the whole supposed curse situation, distracted by Bucky’s suddenly exposed lower abdomen. Rhodey snapped his fingers a few times, trying to get his attention, before he considered Bucky’s words.

“Wait, dragons were real?”

Tony flapped his hands before Rhodey’s question led back to the “debate” over whether or not  _Game of Thrones_  was a documentary in disguise. “Figuratively, right, Buck?”

“Sure, Tony, whatever you say,” Bucky answered, ruffling his hair affectionately. “The ride was fun, but… I dunno.” He shuddered, folded his arms across his chest. “When I was up there, I looked around, and I coulda sworn I recognized this place.”

Rhodey and Tony exchanged looks. “Okay, hey, new plan. It’s getting dark, so how ‘bout we just stroll on back to the hotel, and have some dinner?”

Bucky pouted. “Can we come back tomorrow?”

Tony crossed his fingers behind his back. “Sure!” He felt bad lying, but he’d make it up to Bucky later.

Bucky took a last, lingering, wistful look at the amusements surrounding them, then sighed. “Alright. I’m just gonna hit the head before we go.”

As soon as he was out of earshot, Rhodey grabbed Tony’s arm. “That can’t be good, right? Him recognizing this place?”

“Mm, probably not. But, we’re going, so,” he stuffed his phone back in his pocket and tossed the last bits of cotton candy into the trash.

While they waited, Tony couldn’t help but notice the park had cleared out quite a bit, most of the other amusement and adventure seekers now missing in action. The loudspeakers crackled, and an odd hissing noise was heard before it cut out again.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Rhodey and Tony said at the same time.

Tony shook his head in the direction of the bathrooms, and off they went. Only, oddly, there was nobody in there. “Bucky?” Tony called, pushing open stall after stall. “Where the hell…”

“Not good,” Rhodey grumbled.

Tony yanked his phone out of his pocket. “Pick up, pick up…” he muttered as they ran out of the bathroom and began looking around outside. Now the lights in the park were flickering on and off, and the ground was rumbling, which was probably  _really_  not good.

Finally, the call connected. Bucky was breathing heavily as if he was in the middle of a workout, but his voice was calm. “Tony, love, any chance you and Rho-Rho can get out of the park?”

“Uh…”

“Because it would be good to get out of the park,” Bucky continued, and Tony heard a muffled groan through the phone, and what sounded like a something hitting a slab of meat.

"Are you fighting?" Tony squeaked. Rhodey’s eyes widened as he listened to Tony’s side of the conversation.

"Just a little bit," Bucky answered pleasantly. "But, ah, seriously sweetie, run. It’s about to get crazy around here."

Tony pointed and started running, motioning for Rhodey to follow him as he took off. “What about you?” Tony huffed.

There were more sounds of violence. “I’m gonna take care of a few things first,” he said. “Putting you on speakerphone. Stay on the line until you’re safe.”

"I hate this plan!"

Which was the truth. Tony spared a moment to think longingly of their couch, of Bucky’s fuzzy slippers, and the feeling of him curled against his side, of being surrounded by all the crazy strays he’d brought into Tony’s world, so that the mansion was full of life for the first time ever. He desperately wanted to go home, back home with Bucky.

“Don’t worry,” Bucky said casually over the sound of someone screaming, “I used to do this for a living, remember?”

Despite himself, Tony laughed at this, but his mirth was short lived. Up ahead of them, a strange red light shot up from holes in the ground, followed by an unearthly shrieking. Tony stumbled into Rhodey, the two of them staring in abject horror as slowly, figures began to struggle free from the loosened earth encasing them.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Tony stumbled back with a shriek as a gray fist punched up through the sand and dirt in front of them, fingers scrabbling against Tony’s shoes. Snakes began to pour out of the ground around the fist, as Rhodey grabbed him under his arms and dragged him backward, away from the crumbling ground.

“Tony?” he heard Bucky calling.

Before their eyes, a gray fleshed man dressed in old dark leathers, with a shaved head and solid black eyes drug himself up and out of the ground, one last snake sliding wetly from his mouth as he began to rise to his feet. A black snake eating its own tail was burned into the center of the thing’s forehead, and Tony couldn’t stop staring at it in wonder.

The figure shuddered, as if feeling the life flooding through his limbs once again, a hollow sounding, creaking groan escaping as he reached back into the hole he’d just climbed out of, and pulled out an ancient looking short sword.

“Holy shit,” Rhodey stammered, his grip on Tony tightening. They stared, immobilized, but only for a moment. A light seemed to flicker behind the creature’s eyes, his head twisting grotesquely to the side as he began to walk toward them, sword raised.

Unable to help himself, Tony rubbed his eyes, but no, this was still happening; all around them, holes were opening in the ground, and bodies were climbing back out.

Issuing forth from the phone he was still holding to the side of his head, Bucky’s voice cut through the fog of panic. “Tony!”

“Undead snake cultists,” Tony shouted. “They’re blocking the way out!”

"Run," Bucky encouraged, "lock yourself up somewhere if you have to, but get out if you can. Don’t worry ‘bout me, I’ll find you."

With a little shout of dismay, Tony and Rhodey took off running again, dodging holes as they opened in the ground before them. Slowly, the undead soldiers began to give chase, and all Tony could do was run, and run, and hope.

"Tony, over there," Rhodey shouted, pointing to what looked to be a fortified area in the center of the park.

"Good call," Tony agreed, changing course. Everything was going to hell around them, some of the park employees screaming as undead cultist warriors cut them down, and the panic threatened to take over. "Heading to a fort-looking thing at the center of the park. Bucky, just in case," Tony gasped into the phone, jumping over a bench, "I love you!"

"Love you, too, Tony," he heard Bucky shout between grunts and the sound of metal slamming against metal. "Don’t worry, I’ll…"

But he didn’t get to hear the end of the sentence, because he was tackled from the side, his phone flying out of his hand. He hardly had time to process this before cold, stinking fingers were wriggling down over his face, grasping for his neck. Tony heaved against the weight on top of him, attempting to pry loose the fingers cutting off his supply of oxygen, grunting at the stink of decay flooding his nostrils.

A moment later he could breathe again, blinked away the stars swimming in his eyes, and accepted the hand Rhodey offered. “Move,” he shouted, giving Tony a push in the right direction when he tried to go for his phone instead of running for the doors. “Leave it!”

And so he ran, legs pumping, heart racing, hoping and praying that he’d have a chance to see Bucky again.

"If we get through this alive, I’ll buy you as many cotton candy machines as you want, baby," he swore, hoping Bucky’s gods were listening, and would maybe favor him.

+

“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like whatever they’re hailing?”

Tony struggled against his bonds. “Because it’s a giant, crazy serpent thing that grows back two heads for every one you cut off,” Tony offered helpfully. “Also, uh,” he tugged, grimacing as the ropes just tightened. Of course, just his luck, the stupid undead guards actually knew how to tie proper knots. “According to the legends, that’s how Bucky lost his arm.”

“Great,” Rhodey sighed, shaking his head. “How’d he beat it the last time?”

Tony checked to make sure Hammer still wasn’t paying attention, and answered quietly. “Well, I mean… I don’t know  _exactly_. Supposedly, the Hydra defeated  _him_ , and he offered his arm to the gods for the strength to kill it. Uncle Edwin had a couple theories about what the battle with the Hydra symbolized, because of course neither of us thought it was literal. Half the shit I thought I knew about the past is completely wrong, anyway, so what the fuck do I know, Rhodey?”

“The hour approaches,” Hammer announced, striding up a nearby platform in order to flop down onto a tacky looking throne. The chanting tapered off, all eyes shifting to the idiot in the headdress, much to Hammer’s apparent delight.

“Listen up, Stark! Some of the legends are true, my man, and I’ve stumbled onto the mother of them all. After tonight, I’m going to be practically immortal, and have an unbeatable weapon at my disposal. How’s that sit with you, Mr. Smartypants?”

Rhodey exchanged a look with Tony, as if to say, “is this guy for real?” which, “yes, unfortunately,” Tony answered with his eyes.

“Cool story. How ‘bout you untie us, and tell me more?”

Hammer laughed theatrically, and clapped for his servant to refill his chalice. “I think you can stay down there. You’ll thank me later for the front row seats, although, it’ll be a bummer once the Hydra eats you.” Hammer made an exaggerated frowny face and waved to them.

“I’m starting to hate this guy.”

“Join the club,” Tony grumbled.

With a grunt of frustration, he tried to make himself relax atop the altar, blinking back tears. The smoke from the fires was irritating his eyes, but it wasn’t just that. He was starting to wonder if Bucky would be able to reach them in time. Assuming he hadn’t already gotten himself horribly killed, which, ugh, best not to think of.

Tony took a steadying breath, and let those thoughts slip away. Bucky was alive, was kicking ass, and was going to get to them in time. And, if he didn’t, well…

“Sorry, Rhodey,” Tony said softly, turning to face his friend.

“I’d smack you for that, if I wasn’t tied to an altar,” Rhodey snapped, shaking his head. “We’re getting out of this, and then you’re buying me dinner.”

Tony opened his mouth to answer, but his words died in his throat as several of the undead warriors ran up to the dais. “Master, there seems to be a problem,” one of them hissed in a language Tony felt he shouldn’t be able to understand.

Hammer sat up a little straighter. “What sort of problem?”

As if in answer, from outside the walls of their fortification, something cried out in agony, only to be silenced. The quiet didn’t last long. Another, and yet another cry followed, accompanied by the sounds of approaching carnage—swords striking, guttural groans, wretched battle cries, and an awful, stomach churning noise Tony had to assume was flesh and bone being hacked to pieces.

“A warrior,” the bearer of bad news hissed. “ _The_  warrior.”

“Impossible!” Hammer jumped to his feet, demeanor changing dramatically.

“What’re they saying?” Rhodey asked quietly.

“Bucky,” Tony answered, straining to hear Hammer over the roar of the fires and the sound of carnage.

“Let’s get this moving, people!” he cried out, clapping his hands. “Priests, do your thing, no time to lose.”

The sound of Bucky’s violent approach was suddenly drowned out by chanting as the priests began to circle the altar, a glowing blue stone passing from hand to hand to hand as they converged upon a crumbling hydra-shaped statue nearby. Tony arched and tipped his head back in an attempt to see what was happening behind them, eyes wide with curiosity as the blue stone was placed inside the mouth of the center most snake head.

“I think we’re running out of time,” he groaned, watching as the figures gyrated around the statue, their empty eye sockets suddenly filled with dancing blue flames, as the chanting continued. It reached a frenzied, fever pitch, and then abruptly stopped, and Tony found all flame eyes were on them.

The high priest raised a ceremonial looking bowl in the air above him, as the sibilate utterances grew louder, eyes of blue flame seemingly shifting and writhing in time with the chant. As one, curved blades were pulled from within their robes, gray bodies slinking and slithering closer.

Tony’s skin began to crawl, his stomach churning in fear. He could only watch in horror as the cultists moved in circles around them, ultimately coming to a stop with their knives pointed at Rhodey.

“No!” Tony shouted at the same time Hammer cried out, “Not him, stupid, the  _other_  one.”

Rhodey twisted to face Tony, his eyes wide. “Stay away from him,” he shouted, struggling to get free as the priests shifted as one, refocusing their attention on Tony.

“Oh, calm down, they’re only taking a little blood,” Hammer chided, sitting up on his throne so as to have a better view of the show. “You’ll both get eaten later, anyway, so you might as well relax for a minute.”

“Thanks a lot, Hammer,” Tony cried, gritting his teeth. “This is why no one invites you to parties!” He glanced at Rhodey, and found a smile for his friend. “What’re the odds the blades have been sterilized?”

“Shut up, you’re gonna be fine,” Rhodey insisted. “Just look at me.”

But Tony couldn’t, he needed to watch, unable to drag his eyes away from the blade now poised above his chest. The high priest undulated, as if there were no bones left in his body, the blade darting out with the quickness of a cobra’s strike, slicing through Tony’s shirt, parting the fabric down the middle.

“Tony!”

“M’good,” he swore, staring down in morbid fascination.

He could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest and stomach, tried to slow his breathing, tried to pull away from the blade as it lowered and began dancing across his skin. Blood began to bead up from the wound before he could even feel that he’d been cut, a sudden wave of lightheadedness washing over him, making his vision swim momentarily.

Over the sound of his own panicked breathing, and Rhodey’s cries of protest, he could hear the undead screams of cultists being laid to waste. Bucky was close, getting closer, any minute now and he would burst through the barricades, would cut them loose, and…

Pain brought him back to himself, brought everything into an almost eerie focus, colors and sounds and light magnified tenfold. As the symbol of the Hydra was carved into his flesh, he could see every dried, cracked line in the priest’s face, could make out snakelike figures dancing within the blue flames of his eyes. Warm, wet blood ran down his chest, tickling his sides, pooling at his navel, and Tony shuddered, a strange euphoria rippling through his flesh.

The awful hissing prayer of the priests seemed to take shape in the air around him, forming snakes of smoke that slid into his mouth, his ears, his nostrils, until he was filled to the point of bursting. Tony writhed against the altar, eyes rolling back into his head, feeling as if through his blood, the priests were attempting to steal everything that made him who he was.

“Tony!” he heard Rhodey cry, and he cried out as well, coughing and gagging and attempting to spit out the blackness curled inside of his chest, screaming, “Bucky!” at the top of his lungs before falling limply against the altar.

“Hail Hydra!”

His blood, possibly part of his very soul, now filled the ceremonial bowl, and the priests twisted and danced their way back to the statue.

“Hail Hammer,” he heard over the hissing sound his blood made upon coming into contact with the glowing blue stone.

Tony couldn’t muster the strength to move, could only focus on pushing air in and out of his lungs, watching the strange light show taking place in the sky above them. From somewhere nearby, there was a crash, the sound of stone cracking and falling to the earth, accompanied by cries of jubilation.

“Tony,” Rhodey hissed. “Tony, come on, buddy, come back to me!”

Everything shook around them, and Tony grinned up into the sky as he heard the Hydra begin to rise.

“Tony, listen to me, they’re distracted. I can hear Bucky, he’s right outside the doors, but we gotta get moving before this snake thing eats us.”

“Bucky?” Tony blinked, tried to clear his head.

“Yes, Bucky, he needs your help, Tony, come on,” Rhodey pleaded.

Tony raised his head, shook it, grimacing at the sight of himself when he looked down. He turned away, feeling like he might be sick, which was when he spotted the knife. They’d left it behind after using it on him, and the vibrations of the legendary Hydra rising from the depths had shaken it close enough for his fingertips to brush the hilt.

Tony took a deep breath, and turned to face Rhodey, grinning wildly. “I got this, honeybear.”

Rhodey let out a whoop of approval while Tony twisted back around, began carefully reaching, managing to get one, then two fingers onto the hilt. The ground shook again, and he only just kept the knife from bouncing away, gritting his teeth and shaking his head to get the sweat out of his eyes.

An unholy, bowel loosening sound was heard, accompanied by the screams of the chained park employees. Tony tried desperately to ignore Rhodey’s cries beside him, and the sounds and sight of the Hydra’s many heads whipping through the sky above them.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Tony chanted to himself, dragging the knife closer, and…

He could hear Hammer shouting, “No, you stupid snake, your dinner is on the altar.  _The altar_!” just as he managed to get hold of the knife.

“Any time now,” Rhodey encouraged.

“You’re so needy,” Tony shouted back. He worked the blade frantically against the ropes at his wrist, grateful the knife was sharp. All around him were the sounds of chaos, of bones breaking, of lives being ended, and a great, hollow banging that he suspected was Bucky attempting to fight his way inside.

With a snap, the rope cut free, and Tony almost lost his grip on the knife. One hand now freed, he worked frantically at the bonds of the other, able to move much faster due to his better range of motion. He ignored his feet for the time being, focused on freeing one of Rhodey’s hands, then gave him the knife.

“Get to work,” he ordered, twisting on the altar in order to reach the knots at his ankles. His hands were shaking, his chest was burning, and it took every last ounce of self control to keep his attention focused on getting free, rather than the carnage and insanity surrounding them.

“You’re doing it wrong,” he heard Hammer shouting over the cacophony, sounding as if he was only just starting to realize he’d bitten off more than he could chew. “Obey me!”

Rhodey was quicker than he had been, so by the time he’d managed to pry one of the knots loose, he was already cutting through the other, each of them tumbling from the altar in unison.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Rhodes suggested, grabbing Tony’s arm to drag him toward the barred doors.

They made it only a couple feet from the altar before stumbling to a halt, clinging to each other and staring up and up in abject horror.

“Fuck me,” Tony gasped, fingers digging into Rhodey’s arm. “No wonder he thinks  _Game of Thrones_  is a documentary!”

For the Hydra was great and terrible, and stood before them, looking for all the world exactly like a nine-headed, wingless dragon. Some of its mouths hung open, jaws wide, fangs dripping, while others twisted and shook lifeless, broken figures through the night sky. Blood rained down upon their upturned faces, and Tony couldn’t breathe, couldn’t blink, couldn’t process what it was he was seeing.

As one, the nine heads swung to face him, the eyes all lit up eerily blue, blue like the stone that, combined with his own blood, had been used to raise this monster from whatever hell it had previously occupied. The eyes seemed to meet his own with a terrifying intelligence, seemed to recognize him, and Tony would have sank to his knees in the dirt to worship the beast if Rhodey hadn’t been there to begin dragging him away.

Rhodes grabbed him around the waist and legged it for Hammer’s dais, which seemed to be the only area within the amusement park fortress that had remained untouched by the madness. Hammer was still there, although he’d opted to hide behind his throne.

Just as they reached the dais, a great crash was heard, and Tony whirled in time to see Bucky make his entrance. He was breathing heavily, the sleeve long since destroyed, so that his golden arm shone beautifully beneath the blood and gore clinging to its surface. His clothing was almost unrecognizable, stained black with undead cultist blood, covered in bits of flesh and bone and god only knew what else. His hair was no longer secured in its bun, the braids hanging loose, hanging around him as if in homage to the beast he was destined to face.

Never had Tony seen such anger, such rage on his lover’s face. A shiver ran through him, because this wasn’t the Bucky of fuzzy bunny slippers and stray cats, this was the ancient warrior, face streaked in blood, eyes wild and determined, muscles taut as he wielded two swords and began cutting his way through the guards rushing to meet him.

“Bucky!” Tony called.

Bucky’s face was transformed by joy, his blue eyes lighting up, his teeth looking almost unnaturally white when he smiled wide, finally spotting his friends. “Tony!” he cried cheerily, giving a little wave.

“Hey,” Tony said, waving back, a dopey smile on his face.

“Of course you know the jerk ruining my big day,” they heard.

Tony whirled and found Hammer approaching, but whatever he had planned was cut short by Tony’s fist connecting with his jaw. Rhodey gave him a nod of approval, and then they hunkered down to watch the awe inspiring sight of Tony’s boyfriend murdering the living fuck out of any undead cultists remaining.

“Please don’t judge me,” Tony stammered, eyes wide as Bucky launched through the air and managed to decapitate three warriors before landing, “but that is  _incredibly_  hot.”

Bucky seemed to dance effortlessly through the crowd, leaving bloodied, screaming bodies in his wake, his swords everywhere and nowhere at once, hair whipping through the air around him. He didn’t even seem to be out of breath, muscles rippling as he struck down priests and warriors alike, his eyes sparkling with mirth, a wicked smile on his face.

“No, I totally get it,” Rhodey answered, wincing as Bucky brought both swords down to split the last priest in half. “Damn!”

And then he was running toward them, skidding to a stop in front of Tony, looking like a beautiful, gore soaked killing machine. Not letting go of his swords, he grasped Tony by the shoulders and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Sorry I made you wait so long,” Bucky apologized.

Tony grinned at him. “It’s okay, you’re always worth the wait.”

“Can you two maybe flirt  _after_ the monster is dead?” Rhodey pointed to the Hydra, which seemed to be very, very interested in Bucky’s arrival.

Bucky ignored the roaring behind him, and the shaking of the earth as the beast approached. His brow furrowed as he pushed aside the fabric of Tony’s ruined shirt, spotting the mark that had been carved into him.

“They hurt you?” he growled, nostrils flaring. Tony could only nod, and watch the anger washing across Bucky’s handsome features. “Fucking Hydra worshipping scum,” he hissed, shoving one of his swords into Rhodey’s hands. “Keep Tony safe. I gotta go kill this thing.  _Again_.”

“I love you!” Tony shouted as Bucky took off running.

“I know!” Bucky answered, throwing a wink over his shoulder, and Tony could only laugh, and shake his head, and mutter, “Asshole.”

“He just Han Solo’d you,” Rhodey remarked, adjusting his grip on the sword. He slung an arm around Tony’s waist, and Tony clung to his friend, grateful for the support, terrified by what was unfolding before them.

Bucky seemed to be talking with the Hydra, although Tony couldn’t make any of it out over the roaring. He watched as Bucky jumped back, only just managing to avoid getting pulverized by one of the heads, jumped and held tighter to Rhodey, wanting to look away as much as he wanted to avoid even blinking in case he missed something.

“This is insane,” Rhodey whispered.

They watched in awe as Bucky twisted and dodged, his golden arm beginning to glow. The Hydra’s tail whipped, cutting a jagged looking wound across Bucky’s back, as Tony cried out in dismay. He could see bone, but only for a moment, the skin beginning to knit itself back together almost immediately. “Holy shit,” he murmured.

Bucky brought his sword down, and the Hydra screamed its rage into the night, shaking the ground around them as a head rolled and rolled, black blood spilling into the dry earth. Tony could see movement at the site of the wound, two heads slowly beginning to push free from where one had been, but then Bucky’s golden arm flashed through the air, his hand making contact, and there followed the sound and smell of sizzling flesh.

“He’s cauterizing the wound,” Tony gasped.

The Hydra didn’t seem to appreciate this in the least. It reared its heads, and Bucky darted away, grabbing onto another of the long, whipping necks, holding on with the golden arm as he was lifted off the ground, jaws of the other heads snapping, trying to pry the warrior loose.

The golden arm burned through the flesh of the Hydra, so that even as he clung to it desperately, another head fell to the ground.

“Your boyfriend is a badass!”

Tony could only nod his agreement.

It felt like hours passed, Bucky being struck down several times with wounds that should have killed him, only again and again his body repaired itself, put back together what the Hydra sought to destroy, until with a triumphant cry, the final head was cut free, the wound sealed shut with the golden arm, the headless body of the Hydra shuddering to the ground before him.

Bucky knelt, catching his breath, holding onto his sword, face and body streaked with blood. Tony saw his mouth moving, head lowered, wondered if Bucky was giving thanks to his gods, but then he turned and bright, beautiful blue eyes met Tony’s own from across the distance, a smile spreading slowly across Bucky’s weary face.

That smile slowly slipping away in horror was the last thing Tony saw before pain unlike anything he’d ever experienced before tore through his back, out through his chest, and left him gasping for air, the world going black around him as he momentarily struggled in agony before ultimately losing his battle with death.

+

He heard his name, and shuddered into consciousness, screaming. He clawed at his chest, but the skin was smooth, and unbroken, the pain slipping away as he sucked in air and looked around in confusion.

“Chill out,” a gravely voice suggested. Tony turned and screamed again. “That’s not very chill, dude.”

Tony could only point, and gawp, because a man with the head of a jackal was talking to him.

“Yup, you’re dead, bro,” Anubis announced, shrugging his shoulders.

Unable to grasp what was happening, Tony rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. “Why do you sound like a surfer reject from  _Point Break_?”

“Don’t ask me, it’s your afterlife.”

Tony jumped to his feet and looked around, but there was nothing but shadows. “I can’t be dead. Bucky just defeated the Hydra, and…”

“Bummer, right? That douchebag Hammer woke up and impaled you.” The jackal face smiled at him, and Tony shuddered, and shook his head. “Don’t believe me? Fine. Take a look.”

The air around them shimmered, and suddenly he was back in the amusement park, watching in horror as Rhodey and Bucky held his lifeless body, shaking him and calling his name. Almost as soon as they materialized, Bucky’s head whipped around, his eyes wild and searching. He stood, tears making tracks through the blood on his face, as he screamed his sorrow into the night.

“Holy shit,” Tony squeaked, falling onto his ass in the dirt. “I’m really dead.”

Anubis patted him on the shoulder. “Gnarly, right?”

Bucky’s grief and rage left him almost unrecognizable as he whirled, brought his sword down again and again and again, hacking Justin Hammer’s lifeless body to pieces, while Rhodey shouted, and tried to pull him away.

After a moment, he succeeded, Bucky sweeping Tony back into his arms and carrying him away from the carnage, staggering closer to where Tony’s spirit and Anubis watched, sinking to his knees only a few steps away. His body shuddered with sobs as he carefully stretched Tony out on the ground, pressing a kiss to his forehead before stalking over to the Hydra.

“What’s he doing?” Tony asked, shaking.

“Dude, your boyfriend is crazy into you,” Anubis sniggered. “If you think he’s gonna let something as stupid as death break you up, think again.”

“Wait, what?”

“Chill out, enjoy the show,” Anubis suggested, leaning on his staff.

Tony tried to avoid looking at his own corpse, or at poor Rhodey, kneeling over him, sobbing, focusing on Bucky instead. He was cutting into the Hydra, teeth bared in a snarl, until he could reach inside with his golden arm and pull out the now dull and lifeless blue stone that had been used to resurrect the monstrous creature.

As they watched, Bucky whirled, and held the stone aloft.

“I want him back,” he shouted, shaking the stone at the sky. “Let’s make a deal!”

The air around Tony crackled, and when he turned to look he saw they were no longer alone. All sorts of Egyptian gods and goddesses surrounded him, many of them exchanging pleasantries before quieting down to listen.

Rhodey looked up from Tony’s body in confusion, clearly not understanding what was being said. “What’re you doing?”

Bucky ignored him, began walking around Tony’s body, searching for a reply. “Come on, I know you’re there, I can feel you,” he shouted. He was blinking back tears, his mouth trembling. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Aww,” Hathor cooed, momentarily distracting Tony from the scene before him.

“Take half my life and give it to him,” Bucky cried, holding the stone to his chest. “And if that’s not good enough, take it all, and let him live instead, ‘cuz I don’t wanna stick around if you’re gonna keep him!”

“Dude,” Anubis intoned, bopping the top of Tony’s head with a fist. “That’s love, bro.”

Tony grabbed hold of Anubis and used him to pull himself up onto his feet, stepping forward, reaching for Bucky. “Can… Can this actually work, can I go back?” he asked, spinning to face the crowd of gods and goddesses.

“Maybe,” Osiris answered with a shrug. He pulled out a cellphone and began fiddling with it. “We’re just waiting on a reply from his people.”

Tony grabbed his head, because it felt like his brain was about to melt out of his ears. “You’re not his people?”

Everyone laughed at this, and Anubis pointed at Bucky. “C’mon, Stark, you knew that. The dude is pasty and blue eyed. ‘Sides, he already told you he wasn’t born here.”

“Answer me,” Bucky cried, his expression darkening.

“I hope they answer soon,” Hathor whispered, several others agreeing with her.

“Better hope it’s a yes,” Anubis muttered. “I get the feeling this dude’ll kill every last living thing on this planet if the answer is no.”

There was a chime, and everybody turned to watch as Osiris looked at his phone. “Okie dokie. Stark, looks like the choice is yours.”

Everyone turned to look at Tony expectantly.

“What’s the catch?”

The gods and goddesses giggled, and several of them nodded at him approvingly.

“They’re not asking anything of Bucky, this is strictly between you and his people. If we bring you back, you’ll be bound to Bucky for all time. If one of you dies, you both die, and even after death, you’re bound together. Pretty big commitment.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Anything else?”

“Well, you’ll live his natural lifetime, which is a lot longer than a human’s. Like, thousands of years longer. Thanks to us intervening—back when he fought for our people—he’s special, so you’ll be, too, upon resurrection. That means quick healing injuries and being immune to disease. In exchange, you’re to use your gifts for the betterment of all mankind, and if you please them with your work, they’ll let you come back home. To Bucky’s home, that is.”

Tony swallowed. “Which isn’t Earth.”

“Right.”

“His family also expects you to keep Bucky in line, which is easier said than done. Oh, and you have to buy a cotton candy machine,” Osiris added. Tony gawped. “You’re the one who offered, remember?”

Tony turned, and stared at the scene before him. Bucky’s head was bowed, his shoulders shaking, as his tears fell onto the blue stone in his hands. Rhodey was brushing the hair back from Tony’s corpse’s forehead, slumped in defeat, staring at Bucky with concern.

“So what’s your answer, bro?”

“Please give him back,” Bucky whispered. “I love him.”

“My answer is yes,” Tony announced, any lingering doubts and fears slipping away.

The gods and goddesses gave a cheer of jubilation, and Bucky’s head snapped up as if he heard them. The blue stone in his hands began to glow, and he sucked in air, crying out in surprise and delight.

“Thank you!” he shouted.

Tony’s spirit watched in fascination as Bucky rushed over to his corpse, and slammed the glowing blue stone down into the hole that Hammer had left behind in his chest. Seconds later, he screamed, sitting bolt upright, spirit once again back inside of his body where it belonged. Tony clawed at the ground, at the hands grasping him, feeling his body repairing itself, wailing as flesh knit around the inferno in his chest.

“What the fuck!” Rhodey shouted.

“Tony!” Bucky cried, pulling him into an embrace.

Tony felt like he was drowning in love, tears, and kisses. Hands were reaching for him, squeezing, touching to make sure he was real. He reached back, winding an arm around Bucky, another around Rhodey, and cried with them as they rocked him in their arms.

“I love you,” Tony and Bucky said at the same time, laughing and clinging to each other.

“You came back to me,” Bucky whispered, stroking Tony’s face and kissing him over and over again.

“Of course I came back,” Tony answered, “it would’ve been a horrible ending otherwise.”

Rhodey and Bucky helped him to get to his feet, and Tony took a moment to appreciate the new, blue, glowing center of his chest, before becoming distracted. All around them, the rollercoasters, concession stands and various attractions crumpled and collapsed, clouds of dust and sand kicked up as they were destroyed. The fires went out, the blood soaked earth was covered with rubble, and after a moment they found themselves standing in an empty wasteland.

“So… I think that’s our cue to leave,” Tony said, coughing and waving at the sand choked air.

“Damn straight,” Rhodey snapped, slapping him on the back. “You owe me dinner.”

Bucky swept Tony up into his arms, and carried him bridal style, despite his protests, and Rhodey’s complaints about having to walk back to civilization.

“The animals are going to be mad,” Bucky sighed. “I said I’d bring back souvenirs.”

Remembering his promise to the gods, Tony sighed, and resigned himself to a sticky future. “How about we get them a cotton candy machine?”

Tony was almost positive Bucky’s triumphant cry could be heard all the way back in New York.

+

**Epilogue.**

Tony sighed contentedly, stretching out across their bed, fingers carding through Bucky’s hair. If this was what he had to deal with until the end of time, Tony figured he was doing pretty good for himself.

“Okay, I’ll admit it,” he said once he could speak again. “I was wrong. Who knew cotton candy could be so much fun?”

Bucky laughed and then started licking him again, an evil glint in his eyes. “Found a spot I missed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ancient Warrior Bucky shall return! in the meantime, if you are talented with photoshop, I’ll love you for the rest of my life (and maybe even gift fic your beautiful face) if you make a movie poster to go with this story!
> 
>  **Edit:** Oops, I might have made a [_Point Break_ poster](http://dezinformatsia.tumblr.com/image/114245173022) featuring Anubis.
> 
>  **UPDATE 7/19:** Oh, look! The lovely Terrenis [made some posters](http://imaginetonyandbucky.tumblr.com/tagged/terrenis) to go with the story!! Be sure to check them out.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Fanart] Art for "Ancient Warrior Bucky" - Series by Finely Honed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175205) by [Terrenis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terrenis/pseuds/Terrenis)




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